The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!


DATE 4/30/02

Front Page


Advice from Strangers

Ain't That America?

To-Do List:
The Pope

Moth's Diary

News from

Movie Corner


Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Advice from Strangers

This week's guest:
Sheriff John Bunnell
Host of FOX's World's Wildest Police Videos

Dear Officer Bunnell:

Ever since the death of my mother, I've been suffering from terrible depression and have even occasionally thought about suicide. Should I seek counseling, or will this feeling pass?

Just a Little Down in Tempe


A routine traffic stop turns into a LONG NIGHT for Officer David Winke of the Arizona State Police. Unknown to him, the man he just pulled over is in a DRUG-INDUCED SUICIDAL RAGE, just like yours. In pursuit, officers try a daring move to clear the intersection ahead of this speeding nutcase, who has NO CONCERN for the lives of HUNDREDS of motorists coming the other direction. Watch as the suspect's front bumper comes within INCHES of a passing pickup. Then, in a final fit of desperation, the suspect ditches the still-moving car, and is captured on foot, and sentenced to FIVE YEARS in prison. Don't let this happen to YOU. Our law enforcement officers put their lives on the line EVERY NIGHT to keep the streets safe for those who WANT TO LIVE. If you feel you're in danger of becoming a raging lunatic, PLEASE do yourself and other well-meaning citizens a favor, and seek professional help IMMEDIATELY.

Sheriff John Bunnell

Dear Officer Bunnell:

Another bake sale this weekend at my church, and everyone is bringing homemade items. The problem is, I'm a terrible baker! Do you have any tips for quick and easy muffins?

All Thumbs in Irvine


A disgruntled bakery employee HIJACKS A DELIVERY TRUCK and leads police on a two-hour high-speed chase along Highway 405. As you watch the helicopter footage, think about what it would be like to be driving to work, an INNOCENT VICTIM of another man's ROAD RAGE. In one moment, a simple commute becomes a NIGHTMARE as a six-ton truck comes screaming down upon you. Officers use footage like this to educate themselves, so that before a crisis EVER happens, they come to the scene ARMED WITH KNOWLEDGE. Educate yourself, and your next bake sale can be a happy event, and not a MASS OF TWISTED METAL AND SMOKE. If you feel you're in danger of hijacking a bakery truck, PLEASE do yourself and other well-meaning citizens a favor, and invest in a box of ENTENMANN'S. I'm particularly fond of the DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE.

Sheriff John Bunnell

(Transcribed by Travis Ruetenik)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.