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DATE 4/30/02

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News from Travistan

The Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment
Nation of Travistan

President Travis

Hangover Grinds Travistani Government to a Halt

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Government services in the apartment-nation of Travistan were temporarily suspended today after a late-night bender left the country in a state of political and gastrointestinal distress. Mail service, laundry-folding and all travel outside the apartment were canceled as Travistan's President Travis nursed a headache, nauseous stomach and dry mouth. "All of our nation's resources today are pitching in to help us figure out exactly what the hell we drank last night," said a visibly distressed Travis, sipping a large glass of water in front of Hollywood Squares on the Presidential Recliner. Citizens expect to spend much of the afternoon clearing out numerous empty beer cans, pizza boxes, shot glasses and at least one illegal alien who remains in an unconscious state on the couch.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)

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