Daily Probe Movie Review
by Alice Higgins
Professor of Wymyn's Studies
University of Toronto
Rating: 0 stars (out of 5)
As much as I despised this latest cock-wallop of a film from the
phallus-factory that is Hollywood, I do appreciate the fact that it was made
after 10 years of stalling. As despicable as it is, it does allow me to
vent on two of my least favourite topics: movies and comic books.
First, my review. It's abhorrent. It's a travesty. It's pathetic. But that
much was evident to any self-respecting womyn the moment she first saw
red-headed whore Kirsten Dunst in her wet tank top, "headlights" on for the
pleasure of masturbating adolescents everywhere.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out the plot. Good "Man" beats Bad "Man"
and rescues said pneumatic male fuck-toy. We saw it in Bat "Man", we saw it
in Super "Man," and we'll see it again in countless more now that the genre
has seen a revitalization. At least the forthcoming "Hulk" movie will
portray men as the destructive lunatics they all are. Then again, so does
And herein lies my personally sensitive subject: Comic books. There has
never been an art form that has so trivialized the role of the noble womyn
and replaced her with Barbie-riffic stereotypes meant only to enthrall the
already underused hormones of comic book fans everywhere.
It's not just Spider-"Man." Take a look at how many of these four-colour
travesties throw about the fact that they have tallywhackers. Other than the
above, there's Sandman, Aquaman, Wonder Man, Hawkman, Plasticman, Mister
Fantastic. The list of penile vigilantes goes on.
There are almost no true wymyn in this medium. The only truly admirable
sisters are either out of print (Spider-Woman, She-Hulk) or dead (Electra,
Phoenix - who was "resurrected" to be a shadow of her former self and in
servitude to a man - or the black womyn who inherited the mantle of Captain
Marvel) or stereotypical. Take the Invisible Girl: Best not to see a strong
womyn, isn't that right? Or the so-called Scarlet Witch. Not only do they
name her to evoke images of Salem, but they add insult to injury by calling
attention to her menses as well. More than a few faculty members have
referred to me as a Scarlet Witch in my day, usually on certain days of the
month, no less. And this barely scratches the surface! I won't even bring up
such lesser wymyn as Witchblade, Vampirella, Danger Girl, and those sluttish
whores Betty and Veronica.