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Keebler Introduces Jeez-Its to Appeal to Catholic Market

NEW YORK (DPI) - As the consumer snack food industry continues its hyper-competitive game of one-upsmanship in the race to appeal to micro-niches, Keebler Co. has announced it is releasing a variant on the popular Cheez-It line of cheese snack cracker called Jeez-It, designed to appeal to Roman Catholics.

Provided as unconsecrated Holy Communion hosts, the Jeez-It line of crackers is designed to appeal to the key influencer of the purchase, the parish priests, to draw younger Catholics back into weekly Mass attendance. With a light coating of powdered processed cheese food, the cracker is a tasty substitute for the traditional hosts used in the Eucharistic celebration by Catholics world-wide.

"No longer will Catholic parishes be constrained by having to purchase Eucharistic supplies through the cabal of religious supply shops", said a Keebler spokesperson. "Not only can we supply the hosts to churches at a lower cost, but we can supply a product designed to appeal to a core demographic that is slipping away from the Church. It's a win-win!"

Church officials were less sanguine about the product, telling reporters, "Ernest and Julio Gallo approached us several years back about standardizing their 'Delicato' line of wines. However, they insisted on co-branding the Mass celebration, which was unacceptable to us. The Keebler products are equally unacceptable, given they are made by elves, which are well-known minions of Satan."

Keebler plans to introduce additional lines of products targeted to various religions and ethnic groups, including Extreme Matzos! and Jalapeño Jeez-Its for the Latin-American market.

(Reported by Ross Brown)

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