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News from Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

25% of Travistani Citizens Don't Speak the Language

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - The Travistani central government released a surprising report today concluding that 25% of the population of the apartment-nation does not speak the primary Travanese dialect. The tongue, though not considered a World Heritage Language, is widely used in daily conversation by Dictator and President-For-Life Travis, the dog, and quite possibly the cat. The language's guttural "wooba wooba wooba" phrases are often used as a method of communication during belly rubs, and sharp, piercing tones are represented during important televised sporting events. The first lady, ad hoc representative of the non-speaking minority, was at a loss for words due to the language barrier, and simply rolled her eyes when asked to comment. Travanese joins Puntravi, Travgalog and English as official languages of Travistan.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)

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