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President Travis

News From Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Travistani Press Succumbs
to Sleep-Deprivation Furlough

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Citing baby-related activities at the highest levels of Travistan's government, the bleary-eyed dictator and president-for-life of this apartment-nation temporarily suspended the citizenry's free speech guarantees in order to catch a few Z's. In accordance with the mighty word of the apartment's sovereign, the official government news agency, Al-Traveera, underwent lockdown for "just a couple days while we catch up on some serious seepy seepy nigh nigh." Blind-sided by a small case of the sniffles, the presidential daughter acted upon her unofficial power to suspend rational thought and function in Travistan by shrieking well into the night. Following the furlough, Al-Traveera staff are said to be working on a "significant misuse of funds" associated with a government-funded trip to Long's drugs. Preliminary evidence reportedly indicates that government officials sent to purchase items related to infantile snot maintenance returned to the apartment-nation with an unauthorized Athlon football preview magazine and two Kit Kat bars.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)

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