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I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
Inventor Looking for Next Big Product

LITTLE PATUXENT, Md. (DPI) - Millions of people around the world enjoy I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, the no-calorie butter substitute invented by Patuxent-area inventor Rod Fiske. Fiske, of course, enjoys it himself -- and not just for what it does for his morning toast.

"Yeah, I made a lot of scratch on that," a slightly nervous Fiske said in a recent interview. "The big food company just took that right off my hands and left me a big pile of cash in its place." But that was 12 years ago, and Fiske is attempting to do it again. "One day I thought to myself, 'There can't be all that much to this business,'" said Fiske. "'All you need is a product with a catchy name and the damn thing will sell itself.'" So Fiske decided to give it another go, updating his product line for a younger generation of health-conscious eaters.

"I decided to stick to the whole 'I Can't Believe' concept as closely as I could -- a sort of 'Man, oh, man, does this taste good!' approach," said Fiske. His first two products were moderate hits: a low-fat cheese spread provocatively named Holy Shit, This Can't Be Cheese, followed by a lactose-reduced, low-calorie milk with the working name Jesus H. Christ, What Great Milk!

Fiske's next offerings didn't fare very well, though. The first was a dietary chocolate-chip cookie named Fuck Me If This Isn't a Chocolate Chip Cookie. To his amazement, the cookie failed to sell in its target market: 5-to-10 year olds. "I'll tell you what," said Fiske. "That was one great cookie. Beats me why it tanked." Things went no better with a soy-based chicken wing he christened If This Isn't a Chicken Wing, I'll Blow You Right Here.

(Reported by John Dougherty)

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