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Naked Abu Ghraib Prisoner Wins Extreme Makeover

BAGHDAD, Iraq (DPI) - Shockwaves emanated throughout the world this week as photos from Abu Ghraib prison were released to the media. The shock was felt even in the world of reality television.

"We were stunned to see that U.S. troops could be so brutal, so heartless, as to take nude photos of such flabby, out-of-shape prisoners," said ABC executive Bob Schofield. "We just *had* to do something to alleviate the misery of those in Abu Ghraib, so we took action by providing one of the most deserving detainees with an extreme makeover."

Schofield said ABC chose 35-year-old olive vendor Moqtada Mohammed based on his clear need for several cosmetic procedures, including liposuction, a tummy tuck and a Brazilian butt lift. Schofield added that Mohammed could also opt to receive a nose job, chin implant and electrolysis for a monobrow, but conceded that he was unsure whether any of those procedures would be necessary. "In the photos, you can't really tell if he needs any of that stuff since his head is covered with a pair of women's panties," said Schofield.

Moqtada Mohammed                   The Makeover Specialist

Mohammed expressed near-appreciation upon hearing the news, saying, "Until I saw the photos of my naked ass splashed all over the world, I hadn't realized how much I'd let myself go since I arrived here at Abu Ghraib. I've had a pretty hectic schedule, what with the posing with female G.I.s who are pointing at my exposed genitals, building nude pyramids, that kind of stuff. I guess I really haven't been taking enough 'me' time."

While Mohammed believes that the makeover could help how he feels about himself, he said his self-esteem could be improved even more "if the broomstick sodomizations would cease."

(Reported by Miles Walker)

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