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Musing With Mitch  

by Mitchell Kobriger  

Mitchell Kobriger

I once dated a lady who owned a Swiffer Wet Jet. It was kind of weird. She reminded me a lot of an ex who didn't own one.

I'm not sure why, but squirrels just seem bigger these days.

If you cut the bottoms off aluminum cans, you can use them to make things.

You know who's a genius? The guy who first thought of putting tamales in a can, that who.

Low carb, schmo carb -- ol' Mitch can't get enough of 'em.

Once, I hit a baseball so hard it went right over the outfield fence. I'll never forget it.

Too bad those lighter people were the first to the trademark office, because Zippo would have been a great name for a laxative.

Burn victims are whining just a little too much.

French-Canadians: Are you French or are you Canadian? Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.

You won't catch ol' Mitch donating a kidney to a total stranger again.

Maybe things would have worked out differently for the boys if there were at least one Baldwin sister.

Three words to describe my barber: gentle, masculine, visionary.

I'm a busy man and I don't have time for meaningless details. Are you listening, USA Today?

That Galloping Gourmet guy was much always funnier when he was drinking.

I once killed a man for calling me Mitchy-poo, and I'd do it again. But not the same guy, because that would be over-doing it a bit.

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