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Is Warren Buffet Supposed to Give Me a Hard-On or Something?

A guest Probeatorial by
By Ron Pahlavi

Oh, Warren Buffet has said something! Oh my God, Warren Freaking Buffet has spoken! Let me go right now and sit cross-legged in front of CNBC and stroke my dong while Warren Buffet speaks about what is a good investment. If he says it, then it must be true, because The WB is the closest thing to porn that the investment world has ever produced. The mere sound of his voice gets me as rigid as a rock and ready to erupt. When he says he only invests in things he understands, I resist my inclination to think he is a feeble old Buddy-Holly-glasses-looking moron who can't understand something that isn't a deep-fried hamburger and instead nod my head knowingly. I would gladly follow him into death itself, for his homespun investment advice transforms my member into a battle-hardened jousting sword ready to spear millions in profits.

All hail Warren Buffet! What a fucking crock.

(Transcribed by Mr. Sun)

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