The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!



Front Page


Ain't That America?

McQuigly & Moss

Moth's Diary

Musing With Mitch

The Probethicist

Probe Film Strip:
Spider-Man 2


Previous Issues
Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!

The Probethicist

Dear Probethicist,

I have noticed that the trainer at my day-trading office has a silly habit of demonstrating how to place buy orders. He sets the Buy at a ridiculously high price and explains all the ramifications, and then sets it back to a reasonable value. I happen to know that he leaves it like that for upwards of 5 minutes at around 20 minutes after 11 every Tuesday. Would it be ethical for me to set up a massive Sell order at his usual inflated price and cash in at 11:20 next Tuesday?

Day Trader

Dear Day Trader,

As always, remember that ethical advice is not intended to judge the asker, and that every person must come to grips with his own sense of right and wrong. No, my advice tells what I myself would do in your situation; you must take my advice and apply it to your own situation.

With that in mind, WHAT KIND OF EVIL BASTARD WOULD DO THIS???? It's all right in poker and horseshoes to hope a mistake on your opponent's part works to you favor. Hoping to penalize a stockbroker for a slip of the keyboard is an entirely different matter. Those are games. This is somebody else's life! You should be ashamed even to think of it, and if you don't send me $5,000 before next week I will call Johnny Law on your evil ass.

The Probethicist

Dear Probethicist,

I enjoy volunteering to play my guitar at church services and old folks' homes. I've noticed that other musicians who play at these events get paid. I'm between jobs right now (I'm a software designer) and so it would be nice for me to also make a little cash for these events. Now I'm torn. Would it be ethical for me to approach the organizers for money before the next event, even though they've come to expect me to play for free?

Volunteer Musician

Dear Musician,

It is wonderful that you have been so generous with your time and talents for these wonderful causes. Of course, it would not be unethical, whatever the expectations generated by your previous appearances, to ask for pay prior to the next one. However, you need to face the fact that the people who are being paid are much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much better musicians than you. YOU SUCK AT THE GUITAR: the church people are just letting you play in order to be nice to you while you work out your adolescent "Mr. Rock Star" fantasies, and the old folks home residents haven't heard a fucking thing you've played.

The Probethicist

(Transcribed by Brian Jones)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.