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Advice from Strangers

This Week's Guest:


Dear Boomhauer,

My son has got a problem. He's really shy around girls and even though he's not at that age where he should start taking an interest in them, it still bothers me. What should I do?

A Flustered Father in Fresno

Dear Flustered Father,

Listen up here man don't worry about your dang old son dang old kid's got the whole dang old world in front of him like that dang old kids be running around chasing girls playing that dang old Freeze Tag going I'm on dang old base can't touch me 'cause I'm on that there base heh heh yep.

Sincerely, Boomhauer

Dear Boomhauer,

People are starting to call me a sexaholic and want me to go to a support group. Can this be right?

Hot in Hanover

Dear Dang Old Hot,

Hey man dang old support groups don't do nothing for nobody no-how just a bunch of dang old freaks standin' up there going, "Hey man my name's dang old Joe and I'm a dang old alcoholic 'n' stuff man" like on that dang old Dr. Phil show just a bunch of freaks telling some dang old bald guy they like gettin' it on with people dressed as dang old clowns or something them people freaking me out I tell you what.

Sincerely, Boomhauer

Dear Boomhauer,

I'm worried about this hurricane that's heading toward North Carolina. I have family living there. Should they be evacuating the area already?

Worried About the Weather in Wichita

Dear Worried About That Dang Old Hurricane Isabel in Dang Old Wichita,

Yeah man I tell you what man dang old Hurricane Isabel used to be that there what ya call a dang old tropical storm and then the National Weather Service said it's now what ya call a dang old Category 2 hurricane with dang old winds getting on up their at like 105 miles an hour heading at a dang old north-northwest track 545 miles southdangoldsoutheast of Cape Hatteras man I tell you what your dang old brood better get the hell outta before it picks 'em up and drops 'em off in dang old Munchkinland or something man.

Sincerely, Boomhauer

(Transcribed by Danny Gallagher and Jeff Rabinowitz)

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