Line Up, It's "Fuck Frank Haskins Day!"
by Frank Haskins
Come one, come all, yep, you guessed it, it's
official: Today is "Fuck Frank Haskins Day."
Fuck Frank Haskins Day began bright and early
today, when my boss ripped me a new one this morning.
Getting passed over for a promotion three times in a row
hasn't really been humiliating enough for me, so I
sure was glad to have the old man dress me down in
front of everybody at our weekly team meeting. But
hey, like I said, today is Fuck Frank Haskins Day,
so when in Rome...
But wait, Fuck Frank Haskins Day was just getting
under way. There was the phone call from my
attorney, informing me that not only was my
soon-to-be-ex-wife going to get the house, but she was also
going to be able to claim both of the kids as dependents on
her tax return this year as well. He also informed me
that I get the privilege of receiving half of her
goddamn charge card debts too. So kids, that means that not only do I get
to pay for 50 percent of the motherfucking
home Cybex machine and Clinique cosmetics that I never
saw, but I get to pay for it at 21-fucking-percent
department store charge card rates.
Yessir, Fuck Frank Haskins Day was turning out to be a major success.
I could go on and on about the day's festivites,
but I don't want to bore you. Let's just say that Fuck
Frank Haskins Day concluded with a lecture from my
sister about my lack of communication skills, a new and
unexpected body part getting pierced on my
daughter, and my Discover Card getting declined at my usual
watering hole. So all in all, Fuck Frank Haskins Day has been a
huge hit. There's still time, so if you'd like the
opportunity to fuck Frank Haskins, and I mean fuck
him good and hard, go for it, asshole. Take a number.
(Reported by Miles Walker, Graphic by Brandon Carr)
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