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Trucker Finally Gives in, Gets Piss Jar

LEXINGTON, Ky. (DPI) - After four and a half years of long-haul driving, Charlie Ritter has done something he vowed he would never do: Last Wednesday he cleaned out an empty pickle jar and now keeps it under the seat of his Kenworth.

"I always believed that having to take a whiz was my body's way of telling me it was a good time to get out and stretch, wash up and maybe take a quick walk," said Ritter. "But after four years of wasting time at rest stops and diners, I say to hell with it and I just want to get where I'm going as quickly as I can."

He calls it his "Relief Pitcher" (although technically it is a jar) and it got quite a workout on its maiden voyage from Lexington to San Jose, Calif. "The first time using it was definitely the hardest," Ritter admitted. "You sort of have keep your eye on the road and just think about Niagara Falls and water fountains. The second time was no joy either because I wasn't ready for the smell to hit me when I re-opened the jar. Oh, and I learned the hard way to make sure I'm on a straight, smooth stretch of road, and to always have paper towels handy."

Ritter believes he has now shaved a good three hours off his cross-country trips, but still feels a bit uncomfortable when emptying the jar. "You don't exactly walk into a diner with a warm jar of piss in your hands," he said. "I think using a clear glass jar was a mistake. I always see the other truckers carrying those huge thermoses. I'm beginning to think they don't have coffee in there."

With his new-found productivity on the road, Ritter has no plans to put on the brakes anytime soon. "With a full tank of diesel and a box of Depends, I could make it to Salt Lake City non-stop!"

(Reported by Buddy Fisher)

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