The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!



Front Page


Advice from Strangers

Ain't That America?

To-Do List:
Saddam Hussein

Moth's Diary

Movie Corner


Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!

Bush Now Totally Into Nation-Building

WASHINGTON (DPI) - President Bush, who campaigned strongly against U.S. involvement in foreign affairs, today announced that he is now "totally, completely into nation-building." Speaking informally to reporters, Bush confided, "I was wrong, plain and simple. Nation-building absolutely kicks ass. It's like the SIMS, only 100 times better because it's real." Bush outlined an ambitious plan to back up his new passion. "First and foremost, I intend to dismantle Canada's national health insurance system. In the late fall I'm going to give Italy a major makeover. They've got a good religious thing going with the Vatican there, but there's Jesus, and then there's Jesus, if you know what I mean." Bush intends to send Attorney General John Ashcroft there later this year with a personal letter recommending Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld as the next pope. "In the winter, I'd like to work on Thailand," Bush said. "I understand the hookers over there are as generous as Jed Clampett and cleaner than Felix Unger. We need some of that."

(Reported by Jim Rosenberg)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.