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10/15/02

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Scientists Discover Yet Another Pointless, Icky Bug


SAO PAULO, Brazil (DPI) - Scientists from the University of California announced today the discovery of yet another pointless, icky bug in the Amazon basin, bringing the number of known species of these disgusting little multi-legged fuckers to 907,856. "This newly discovered beetle probably rolls cow shit into balls, or sucks the juices from live but paralyzed prey, or some other crazy-ass bug thing," reported Alvin H. Hammacker, who led the team that made the discovery. Current estimates put the total number of gross, superfluous insect species worldwide at about 30 million, only a small percentage of which have been studied. Scientists suspect that almost all are ghastly reminders of the sick, twisted nature of a universe governed by cold, heartless chance. Further study of the creepy little bastards is planned to determine what particular puke- or willies-inducing behaviors they display. Hammacker confirmed that this new species is "big, hairy, scary-looking, and probably crawling up your pants leg. Right. Now. Hahaha!"


(Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)



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