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Advice from Strangers

This week's guest:

Dear Bjork:

I have been dating a very nice guy for about eight months, but he seems hesitant to commit. Have I put in enough time to ask him to take this step, or should I let him take his time?

Anxious in Anaheim

Dear AIA:

Sometimes, I think men are like a pebble that you find next to a small stream, and when you pick it up and toss it into the water, beautiful circles expand from where the pebble meets the water, and spread out like halos on the surface of the stream while the pebble sinks to the bottom, where it comes to rest long before the waves from the impact have faded, and maybe these waves spread out across the stream to where it meets the sea, and there is a swan swimming in the sea that finds that her swim has been interrupted by this tiny wave that ripples underneath her backside, and she gets sad because she will never see the pebble that started this and she knows that one day she will lie at the bottom of the water just like this pebble that has touched her life so briefly only to be lost forever. Men are very much like that.

Dear Bjork:

What the fuck was up with that retarded dress you wore to the Oscars?

Curious in Columbus

Dear CIC:

Sometimes I like to think of everything Mother Earth has given to us and it makes me sad to know that beautiful creatures give themselves to us so we can wrap ourselves in their skins to look pretty and we don't thank them so I feel like I need to thank them so I dress myself so I look like them so I can say, "Hello! Hello, you precious little animals! I love you so much and I would let you dress in my skin too if I could," and the little animals smile and they say, "Thank you," to me, only I cannot hear them and I have to wait until I go to heaven so that we can all be together and play and kiss each other and all be friends. Besides, it's hard to get a Vera Wang on short notice and I still looked better than you would have, you tool.

(Transcribed by Greg Preece)

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