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Study Shows Yo' Mama is Fat, Stupid

DETROIT, MI (DPI) - After concluding a five year study, researchers at the University Of Michigan's Maternal Studies Department have determined that not only is yo' mama fat, but stupid and ugly as well.

Dr. Benjamin Jackson, Chair of the Department, released the findings in a press conference earlier today. "After painstaking research, we have been able to ascertain without a doubt that yo' mama is fat. When presented with a range of substances with which to wash down an aspirin, she inexplicably chose mayonnaise," said Dr. Jackson, "despite the fact that both water and diet soda were provided." Jackson then went on to reveal that when maintaining her oral hygiene, yo' mama chose to submerge her toothpaste in a deep-fryer before using it to clean her teeth.

Other evidence produced by Jackson at the press conference included medical charts that showed that yo' mama's blood type was R-positive -- "Ragu" in layman's terms -- as well as two incriminating videotapes. One of the videos documented a "Welcome Back" party, thrown when yo' mama turned around in a 360 degree arc, while the other shocked reporters with candid shots of yo' mama "Trick or Treating," wherein she chose to forego the traditional greeting in favor of the lesser-known "Trick or Meatloaf."

Beyond her large frame, Jackson also revealed evidence that yo' mama is, in fact, stupid. Evidence shown to the assembled press showed that yo' mama managed to fail a simple survey, despite the fact that it was opinion-based. When asked to name a Jewish holiday, despite the presence of such well known Jewish holidays as Yom Kippur, yo' mama named Tupac Shakur. A hidden camera also showed evidence that yo' mama is so stupid that she took the famed "Pepsi Challenge" and still managed to choose "Jif."

The press conference was abruptly cancelled by Jackson when a reporter noted that the scientist was in fact so old that he owed Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

(Reported by Greg Preece)

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