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Daily Probe Thaws Alaric the Visigoth
for War On Terrorism Team

LOS ANGELES, CA (DPI) - In a move destined to kick up ratings and send competing media scurrying for cover, The Daily Probe today announced that Alaric, 5th century King of the Visigoths and the Internet newspaper's celebrity analyst for the 2000 Bush/Gore campaign, would join their War on Terrorism team. The Daily Probe had been keeping the barbarian warlord on ice since the resolution of the presidential election, during which he made a name for himself with his outspoken criticism of George W. Bush and unwavering -- some would say fanatical -- support of Al Gore.

Alaric the Visigoth

Alaric wasted no time in heaping criticism on President Bush: "There is only war and rot," commented the Scourge of Rome. "A true barbarian warlord seizes what he wants, and wastes no breath on why. Bush the Furrowed-Browed knows none of this!" Alaric also questioned the motives behind the Afghan initiative. "Only a fool would seek to plunder a land two seas and 6 months' march distant. And what does he seek there? Goats? No, Bush the Babbler seeks not the land of the Afghans. I see the cunning of Cheney the Bald in this." Alaric concluded, "A worthy barbarian would have at least sacked Gaul on the way. Gore the Merciless would pillaged and slaughtered without pity! And the women of Gaul are worthy, if pungent. But Bush, he is dung!"

(Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)

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