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Segway: Technology of the Future!

A Daily Probe Exclusive First Look

NEW YORK, NY (DPI) - Inventor Dean Kamen finally demonstrated his much-ballyhooed new invention last week, claiming that the new "Segway Human Transporter" will revolutionize transportation as we know it. The device, which had been code-named "Ginger" and was the object of much media speculation over the last year, is striking in its simplicity: it is a single wheel with a seat and two pedals, allowing people to "go anywhere their hearts desire" with a minimum of effort. Since it has a turning ratio of zero, intricate sidewalk maneuvers are not likely to affect nearby pedestrians.

The "Segway Human Transporter"

The science and high-tech communities were effusive in their praise for the device. Apple founder Steve Jobs said, "They stole this idea from Apple! We've had something like this in the works since I first saw one while touring Xerox headquarters years ago!!" Not all scientists were impressed. Physicist Steven Hawking commented, "What's the big deal? It's a fucking unicycle."

"Ginger" in Action -- 120 mph!

Kamen says that an industrial model is already being put to the test at circuses and street fairs nationwide, but the public will have to wait a while before they get their hands on the consumer model (code-named "Mary Ann"). "The Mary Ann model isn't nearly as sexy as the Ginger model, but for some unknown reason, many males seem to prefer its wholesome spunkiness," said Kamen.

(Reported by Tristan Fabriani, Joseph Moore)

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