The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!





CURRENT ISSUE

12/10/02

Front Page

Weekly
Features
Ain't That America?

To-Do List:
Hans Blix

Moth's Diary

News from
Travistan

Movie Corner


Info
Archives
Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!

President Travis
News from Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan


Travistani Administration Faces
Criticism After Dumbass Injury

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Public confidence in the regime of Dictator and President-For-Life Travis was shattered Monday as the beleaguered ruler shattered his fibula and tibia in a humiliating and excruciating moped mishap in an East Honolulu neighborhood. The accident added force to the Travistani opposition party's claims that Travis is a "serious dumbass," according to political insiders.

The accident left the president at Straub Medical Center for more than 48 hours while hospital staff bolted, screwed and plated his smashed right leg together and carried away plastic bottles of the exalted leader's urine.

How the dumbass injury will affect the administration's policies is unclear, but President Travis has already postponed numerous official state events in order to spend time wincing, whimpering and thinking about what a dumbass he's been. The Travistani opposition leader Mrs. Travis, herself partially incapacitated during her management of the nation's nine-month immigration quarantine program, refused to comment, icily handing the president a can of 7 Up and two tablets of Vicodin.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)


The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.
Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.