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Alaric the Visigoth  

Gore Burned on Pyre by Mourning Visigoths

ATLANTA (DPI) - Finally coming to grips with defeat and the end of Al Gore's presidential aspirations, scores of his Visigoth supporters gathered today to burn the reluctant former Democratic presidential hopeful on a huge pyre of Georgia pine. A tightly bound Gore issued these last words as he was ceremonially deposited on the wood pile: "Wait! I'm not dead yet! Get those torches away from me! I can teach poli-sci! Tipper! AAAAAGH!" A spokesman for the Visigoth Horde replied, "No, you are dead. Very, very dead, Mr. I'm-Not-Running-In-'04."

CNN political analyst Alaric, King of the Visigoths, offered this assessment of the soon-to-be-late former Vice President's career: "Many are the corpses of the enemies of Gore the Mighty that raise a glorious stink to the sky. Yet his merciless iron has disemboweled its last Republican dog, leaving many plunder-fattened GOP curs still to taste its wrath. But Bush the Babbler would be an even greater fool than he seems if he ceases to fear the Horde. Even now the underlords spill much blood for the honor of leading us. In 2003, Republican entrails shall foul the ground. We shall pillage their strong places and ravish their fair women. And, it is told by the gray-hairs, we shall redistribute the plunder to each worthy barbarian."

"Bush, he is dung."

Tipper Gore, who, in accordance with Visigoth mourning rituals, is receiving the comfort of the King inside Alaric's tent, declined comment.

(Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)

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